Swearing is not one of my most ladylike characteristics but I find that there are occasions that warrant some profanity. (and I'm really good at it!) "Are you f'n kidding me?!?!?" When I found out how much I owe the IRS. "Oh, sh*t!!", when I speed by a cop on the highway. "Unf'nbelievable!!" (internal dialogue, with an eye roll) when I get in the wrong line at the bank behind someone who has decided to bring in their life savings of pennies. (Really?!) I learned this skills set from the master, my mom. She was the CEO of a family with no bonuses and endless overtime so she had every right to throw out the occasional f-bomb. This, however, was a one way street which I found out at the ripe old age of ten. I was riding on my yellow Schwin ten speed (envy of the neighborhood) without using my hands (super cool) and listening to my Sony Walkman.(which was also yellow) I hit a crack, lost control and wiped out. I walked in the door, tear stained and bloody. My mom ran to me and asked "what happened?" "My f'n bike hit a crack and I wiped out." She looked at me and said, "I will clean you up and than that mouth of yours." (oh crap!) Depending on the level of offense this would dictate the amount of time we had to suck on a bar of soap. (I was usually at DEFCON 1) To ensure there was no enjoyment during this punishment she found the most heinous bar of soap ever invented. Lava, manufactured since 1893 and made for coal miners.

I've always had a fickle relationship with my Postman.  It started back during the summer between my 5th and 6th grade years.  I received my first love letter (ok, love may be a bit strong) from John E. who I had the biggest crush on. (we had met at summer camp) The letter arrived smelling of Old Spice, (nice touch) written in poor penmanship (he struggled with cursive) and filled with grammatical errors but I didn't care about any of that. (there's always room for improvement) The only thing that mattered is that John E. sent ME a "love" letter which described his paper route in explicit detail and how he was saving up to buy some Star Wars figures and something special for me. Every day I would wait on my stoop for Bob the mailman to deliver my next letter from my future Prom date. "Did I get a letter?" "Sorry, kiddo." "Are you sure?"  (he lost patience with this daily dialogue after a week) "Yes, I'm sure, maybe you should move on and find another boy." (Really?? you're giving me love advice, don't you still live with your mother??) "Ok, thanks."

This is total bullsh*t! Mother Nature has a sick sense of humor! (crazy bitch) I've been schizophrenic every morning trying to get dressed. I have yet to run into anyone today that says, "this is awesome, I love Minnesota!"  Everyone is surly including the local wildlife.  I had a goose flip me off this morning. (he was pissed he came North too soon)  I'm an optimist (naive) girl when it comes to Spring's arrival so in my drunken stupor of 70 degree weather a week a ago, I dropped off my winter coats to get cleaned.

I'm up for any kind of workout. I've tried kick boxing, (couldn't walk for a week) I've done spin class (Lance Armstrong has nothing to worry about) and I even dabbled in a strip tease class.