Swearing is not one of my most ladylike characteristics but I find that there are occasions that warrant some profanity. (and I'm really good at it!) "Are you f'n kidding me?!?!?" When I found out how much I owe the IRS. "Oh, sh*t!!", when I speed by a cop on the highway. "Unf'nbelievable!!" (internal dialogue, with an eye roll) when I get in the wrong line at the bank behind someone who has decided to bring in their life savings of pennies. (Really?!) I learned this skills set from the master, my mom. She was the CEO of a family with no bonuses and endless overtime so she had every right to throw out the occasional f-bomb. This, however, was a one way street which I found out at the ripe old age of ten. I was riding on my yellow Schwin ten speed (envy of the neighborhood) without using my hands (super cool) and listening to my Sony Walkman.(which was also yellow) I hit a crack, lost control and wiped out. I walked in the door, tear stained and bloody. My mom ran to me and asked "what happened?" "My f'n bike hit a crack and I wiped out." She looked at me and said, "I will clean you up and than that mouth of yours." (oh crap!) Depending on the level of offense this would dictate the amount of time we had to suck on a bar of soap. (I was usually at DEFCON 1) To ensure there was no enjoyment during this punishment she found the most heinous bar of soap ever invented. Lava, manufactured since 1893 and made for coal miners.
