Mother's Day is when my brother and I are thankful that my mom decided to keep us and not put us on the corner with a sign that said "Free, please take"  We fought all the time which drove her crazy. "Stop touching your sister!  If you can't play together nicely than go to your room!. Stop fighting! You need to share or I will take all of your toys away!"  She said this 365 days are year, 7 days a week, 24/7 and we still didn't get it. (not the brightest of bulbs) I would have walked off the job at that point, but she hung in there. (I want to thank the makers of Kool cigerettes, for calming my mom down and keeping her rational) We pushed all her buttons but she still loved us. These are a few of my favorite Momisms.
Top 8 Momisms-
1) "I'm telling your father!" (translation, she's officially lost it and now she's bringing in the heat)
2)  "Shut your mouth when you're talking to me." (not quite clear on what that meant but silence was usually a safe bet)

3) "Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about!"  (A veiled threat but impactful)
4) "Because I said so." (well, of course, that explains everything)

5)  "I'm not raising animals!" "Close the door, you don't live in a barn!" "Your room is a pig sty!" (she must of had something against farmers)
6) "Do I look like a maid?" "No, but could we get one? I'm sick of picking up my room." (I got grounded for that one)

I've been MIA for 90 days and I apologize for my absence.  I've missed all of you and I'm so glad to be back in the swing of things.  The last ninety days have been filled with broken New Year's resolutions, (curvy is in, right?) spending hours shoveling snow to get my car to the other side of the street, (did I mention they sell snacks at the Impound lot?) eating my body weight in Girl Scout cookies (damn you, Samoas) and having my ass kicked by some microscopic bug from hell which left me bed-ridden twice. (flu shot works, not!) Despite these small hiccups, I was able to check out several new restaurants in the Twin Cities with my fellow "girls on the go," venture to many destinations (Vegas, Charleston, San Diego, Salt Lake City...) shop new stores and find a lot of new amazing products. (can't slow us "girls on the go" for too long) We're looking forward to sharing all of this with you!

How many f'n Box Elder bugs are there?!?  I swear the lady bugs and the stink bugs are using my house as a brothel and multiplying while I sleep. (Get out!)  Despite my hourly duties of setting free the lady bugs (c'mon, they're cute) and crushing the Box Elder bugs (so, I'm superficial) I have found some time to whip out the crock pot and start my carb loading for fall.

It's Monday night after work, I sit down across from my man at the kitchen table enjoying warmed up left overs and flipping through my Vogue. (exciting!) He peeks up from his paper and says, "Hey, wanna do something Friday night?" (I love it when he calls me "Hey")  "Sure, what did you have in mind?" (please let him be looking at an ad that says romantic candle lit dinner and Michael Buble concert for two, please, please, please)